Saturday, May 31, 2008


HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

-Emily Dickinson

* yes, I like poetry. STFU.

Royal Hawaiian Hotel

From The Honolulu Advertiser:

Hana Hou!

Friday, May 30, 2008

Far Beyond the Land of the Rising Sun

Yngwie on Shamisen 4x. Too Cool for words...

Gotta Credit the Players:
Monsters of Shamisen

The Amazon

Rare Uncontacted Amazon Tribe Photographed
Photo Credit:Gleison Miranda / FUNAI

Exterior : The AMAZON DAY
Person in the background: They took yer jawbs!
Armed Man 1 Painted in RED: They took our jawbs!
Armed Man 2 Painted in RED: They took our jawbs!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Looking Sharp!

Deadly Macbook Air sub-notebook, threat to German citizenry:

Avoiding Monopolies

Bill Gates, "Guys like us avoid monopolies. We like to compete."

Embrace and Extend. Repeat. 

Ho Bah. Get Terri?

From The Honolulu Advertiser.

L&L Introduces Supersized Plate Lunch:

"L&L Drive-Inn has cooked up a new plate lunch special: a three-pound dish with three scoops of rice, two scoops of macaroni salad, BBQ beef and a choice of BBQ chicken or chicken katsu.."

I sense many naps taken. 

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Spotted in Yamhill

Like a creamsicle in the non blistering memorial day sky, she sat there:

*if you don't know what kind of automobile is in the picture above, please to clicky link: 
 Opel GT

Ok. It's not the one in the picture. I am not sure how the sheriffs department takes to strangers taking pictures of vehicles parked in Yamhillian driveways. Think more Orange. It looks in perfect shape- do you think the owner of  yon motormobile or autocar will take me for a spin? Do you think the owner looks exactly like Remmington Steele? EastGerman Polizei ? Bunsen J Honeydew?  Perhaps the driver of the Opel GT is the owner of a boutique vineyard and a caped crimefighter by night? Sysadmin?

Couldn't be a car nut. Perish the thought.

Did you know the direct descendant of the Opel Gt is the Pontiac  Solstice?

As i  mentioned before, i find cars interesting.

Monday, May 26, 2008

Your Moment of Science

Phoenix Mars Mission:

You may now continue to wander freely about the Internet

Saturday, May 24, 2008


To Minimize Disappointment, Lower Expectations

To prove to you that i type for a living (or a part-time living, for the persnickety amongst you out there in Internetsville) here are some lessons learned in Yamhill:

Brown sugar is not the same as raw sugar!
Azúcar moreno no es lo mismo que el azúcar en bruto!
Brauner Zucker ist nicht dasselbe wie Rohzucker!
Brązowy cukier nie jest taki sam, jak cukier surowy!

Oh? I thought sugar was sugar...
Oh? Pensavo di zucchero è stata zucchero ..
Oh? Pensé azúcar fue de azúcar ..
Oh? Myślałam, że cukier został cukru ..
There are a lot of skidmarks at the section of road that goes from a 40 MPH speed limit to 25 MPH..
Hay un montón de skidmarks en la sección de la carretera que va desde un 40 MPH límite de velocidad a 25 MPH...
Il ya beaucoup de skidmarks à la section de la route qui va de 40 mi / h une limite de vitesse de 25 mi / h...

Isn't this fun? Now for the title of the post...

Observed at the General Store; Cowboy in full regalia; complete with spurs, dust, grit and i would suppose a light dusting of horse poop...for Flavor.

Our subject was discussing trailering horses up to Canada with the shop keep, the local purveyor of general merchandise, when the unthinkable happened. 

He asked the other store clerk for a latte.

John Wayne did not drink lattes. Henry Fonda did not drink lattes. Tex Ritter did not drink lattes. Buffalo Bill Cody did not drink lattes. Annie Oakley did not drink lattes. I don't think any of the heros in the "Magnificent Seven" drank lattes, not even Yul Brynner, and certainly not McQueen. Do the PBR guys drink half caf soy lattes? Lattes?

I was expecting, "shot of rye in a dirty glass", "cup of joe", "Mezcal por favor..."

"Latte"..  Crestfallen, dejected, disappointed.  (psst, this is where you look at the title..)

Then again, he's the cowboy. He can drink what ever the hell he wants

Put it on my tab, Miss Kitty, I'm going to ride off  into the sunset now.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Jackie Chan, Suspended

Why? Because I have nothing to say to you today.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Reports From Home: VOG

Our fearless shutter finger advocate of freedom and justice, Mr. T, has sent more disturbing pictures from Home. While i must warn you that these images are not for the timid, i ask you, internet friends, to look closely. Do You See?

The odd atmospheric condition seen in the photographs is known as VOG.

btw, Mr. T, Time/date stamp...still broken.

Vog. That's what they want you to think. Let me put forth that my two seconds of research qualifies me as an expert in atmospheric scientificness, thereby making me a scientician in the field of SO2 and O2 humdingers.

Credentials aside, it is easy to see that the State of Hawaii thinks we will easily accept VOG as the reason for the haze depicted in the incorrectly dated pictures above.

I think not.

Clearly, this is an attempt, either by government or alien agencies, to introduce complex mood altering and mind control substances into the general population.

How else can one logically explain the Loco Moco? Reverse Print Aloha Shirts? Pipikaula?

We're through the looking glass people, the evidence is overwhelming.

In The Grip of Fear...

It is worse than i feared. The vast lunchtime postal conspiracy has spread to my beloved island home:

a brave and fearless American, Mr. T, risked life and limb to expose these lunch eating agents of evil for what they truly are.

By the way Mr. T, change the time date stamp on your camera. Created 12/31/69? RTFM dood, RTFM!

As I was saying, our brave ANSI/ISO 9000 CHAMPION OF FREEDOM, not fearing those that would oppress his thought, broke the bonds of the so called "illuminati" and posted these pictures of heinous, ghastly practices.

Not for glory, not for fame, but for our children and the children of our children.

We thank you. Mr. T. Sanguis Bibimus!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

One More to Go

Yesterdays High.

The forecast high temperature for Yamhill yesterday was 97°F.  Screw me sideways, it hit 97. Ninety seven degrees fahrenheit. Just 3 degrees from 100°F. I have never experienced anything remotely close to this type of mind numbing, pray for death, type of  heat.

It's hot. Really,  really hot.

Did I mention the neighbor saying it gets into the 100's, 100+? Color me surprised, if not fucking pissed.

Luckily, the house is in shade most of the time due to our giant tree friends, keeping the kitchen at a balmy 88 degrees F. The upstairs is magically turned into a giant Vulcan wasteland, uninhabitable by humans, yet loved by the most foolhardy of cats. 

I have made friends with my hot and cold gel pack. It is wonderful to live in a time where we are allowed to carry a slushy cold, frozen plastic bag of gummy bear consistency. They make wonderful laptop stands, and bring a zen like sense of peace to my heat enraged psyche. 

Is it possible to make a Jungian slip? 

I digress. We were invited  over for dinner in Hillsboro.  (heat bulletin, we noted that the external temp reading on the SUV was 113°F.  i'm pretty sure the reading was skewed by the proximity of the sensor to a metal part exposed to the sun, but fuck. fuck! 113!)

Up in the mountains (or are they hills here ? )  the property provided insane views of Mt. Hood and Mt St. Helens. Incredible, beautiful house. 

I've made it a policy, most of the time, to keep things as vague and anonymous as possible. To respect our hosts privacy, i won't mention names either. Besides, this style of writing gives me plausible deniability.

To our hosts,

Thank you for sharing your home with us, for making us feel at home and welcome as friends.
Thank you also for the killer food, was winnaz! *

*and for making sure we made it back to Yamill on that crazy unlit road.

Yamhill Sunset

Friday, May 16, 2008

Beyond Hawaii Hot.



Yellow Ball of Thermonuclear Goodness

I grew up in Ewa Beach. It is part of the vast Ewa plain on he island of Oahu, in the state of Hawaii. It's called the Ewa plain and not the Ewa fabulous for a reason. Still, it is home. I am not talking about the sprawl of suburbia urban-jungle-creep that people associate these days with Ewa Beach, i am talking about a time when you made it clear you were from Ewa or Ewa Beach.

Where your world boundary was defined by that blue sign, Welcome to Ewa Beach.

Back then, there was one road cutting through the seemingly endless cane fields. One lane in, one lane out. One stop light. One Silvas. A canal, the park, the bowling alley, and the beach.

Everyone knew everyone else. I'm pretty sure the crime rate was low if non existent. You didn't have to lock your doors. Your neighbors were always friendly, and willing to help out. You always got fed if you were visiting, and did in kind if someone showed up.

Everyone was looking out for everyone else. It was small town America ala Norman Rockwell, done up Hawaiian style.

Did i mention the brutally brutal brutality that is the Ewa Beach summer? No? Remind me sometime.

In Yamhill there is no Silvas', there is the T&E. There is no single proper stoplight, there is a blinking red caution at the four way. In Yamhill, there is no bowling alley, there is Zippy's.

There is however, that same small town feel that's just like home. Aloha ? In Yamhill? Of course.

The sun beat down upon our little farm in Yamhill yesterday. With Aztec God-like anger, the big yellow ball sent fiery rays that wilted people, horses and weeds. In a freakish bout of weather, the mercury soared to 89 degrees F. I was waiting for the mokes in boardshorts and the tradewinds, sadly they never made it. We are talking shorts, no shirt weather people! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

i'll take my shave ice blue and red, thank you.

The neighbors were doing yard work.

Then the neighbors came to do our yard work. That is correct, our yard work. No one asked. They just did.

With a John Deere Tractor. A John fucking Deere TRACTOR. With front end loader and mower attachment! No cup holder though- are you taking notes, John Deere RD? Could you offer it in Corsa Rosso with Scuderia badges as well? Thanks! Mahalo!

Beers were shared over aforementioned implement of husbandry. I was amazed. I was humbled. We were thankful.

Remember Ewa Beach? Yamhill is just like it. There is Aloha in Yamhill, no doubt in my mind at all.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Ten Interesting Things About Ansel Adams

From Photographer Thomas Hawk:
10 Interesting Things I learned About Ansel Adams

This has nothing to do with Yamhill, or Hawaii, but is instead for the shutterbugs amongst you...with your shutterbuggedness and stuff.

Monday, May 12, 2008

131 487.192 minutes

I realized it was the day today:
  • Seven Million, eight hundred eighty nine thousand, two hundred thirty one point four nine seconds.
  • One hundred thirty one thousand, four hundred eighty seven point one nine two minutes
  • Two thousand, one hundred ninety one point four five three one nine hours
  • Ninety one point three one zero five days
  • Thirteen point zero four four weeks
  • Three months....Aloha from Yamhill.

Yamhill Phonebooth

Ka El? Is that you? 

Prince of Chicken Darkness, the Apocalypse:VI

Behold, an innocent chicken procured from the clean and fastidious Fred Meyer in Newberg.  Awaiting the stew pot to bring forth its poultry goodness in this part of Americana,  we gather around the kitchen to...

Wait a minute, what does the price sticker read?

I thought so.

Sanguis Bibimus!
Sanguis Bibimus!

Now With Premium Content!

Secondary Barn Kitty of Doom looks down upon you. Feel her disdain and loathing! You must now  ritually disembowel your self before her. SILENCE!!!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Wren And Kona

Not a Hip Hop  Duo....

Friday, May 9, 2008

Life Hacker Top Ten Blogging Tools

Via LifeHacker:

Blogging? I Am Intrigued by this new form of communication and would like a pamphlet filled with your provocative and scintillating ideas, please.

Here is my list:

  • Live far the fuck away (keeps the hallucinations fresh. Country fresh, i might add)
  • Ask the cat for blogging tips. Those little bastards are writing, i tell you. I can hear their typewriters at night. Olivetti, thank you very much.
  • MacBook Pro w/Blogger. I live on this piece of aluminum. Don't you?
  • Windows Live Writer. A Microsoft Product? Eewww.  I don't use it all the time, but it works, and it's (gasp) Free...
  • For Above, VMWare Fusion. 'Nuff said
  • Roll your own? WordPress, son. Now go forth and populate that MySQL database.
  • Pen and Paper. Remember those things? Carbon paper would be nice too, if you're so inclined.
  • Google Reader or NetNewsWire. RSS! Samuel L. Jackson would use RSS, like a mothafucka.
  • Tabbed Browser: Safari and FireFox, thou art the object of Internets affection.
  • Write Every Day. Every voice counts here out in the wilderness of the Internet. (hey was that a tree falling? )

The Yamhill Puzzle

NIGEL: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is if we need that extra.. push over the know what we do?
MARTY: Put it up to eleven.
NIGEL: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
MARTY: Why don’t you just make ten louder and make ten be the top... number... and make that a little louder?
NIGEL: These go to eleven.

   -Director Martin DeBergi and Guitarist Nigel Tufnel, "This is Spinal Tap"

Most of  you know that we were previously living in the suburbs of Oahu, aka Mililani. While not exactly like the vast vineyards and pastoral landscapes of Yamhill, it was a little ways from "town". This is was in distance only, mind you. The Mililanian (Mililaniite? Miliputian?)  would have access to modern conveniences readily. There were stores open 24/7, and the two other towns, Wapio/Waikele, and in the other direction, Wahiawa, weren't too far away.

The Post Office in Yamhill closes for lunch. This has absolutely nothing to do with the paragraph above does it ? Well it's Art, i've taken that minute from you, no refunds.

Ok, the U.S. Post Office in Yamhill closes for lunch. WTF? WTH? In my (mumble mumble) years of being alive as a U.S. Citizen, i have never experienced the affront that is the post office closing for lunch, ever. Does the Mililani Post Office Close for lunch? No. Does teeny closet of a post office in Nuuanu close for lunch? No. 

Why then, the closing of a vital part of the United States communications infrastructure? One word:


Maybe this is some work of the vast vintners cabal. Perhaps the Yamhillan Illuminati? What else could possibly explain this? A postman is hungry?

If you believe that, you are beyond saving.

To rescue my new home of Yamhill, i propose this desperate measure to break the iron grip of the Office of the Post, and others joined in this dark oppressive regime.

Lunch establishments should Close for Lunch. Let us unite! Lunch establishments, restaurants, Korean BBQ's, and Taquerias! Let us, as Lunch Providers, close for lunch, and bring an end to this reign of terror once and for all.

Is that a black Helicopter i see over the house? 


Thursday, May 8, 2008

What is Cloud Computing ?

Taking your laptop to Bespin.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Kamen Gabba Gabba Rider Hey!

If you don't know who the subjects in this image are, you are either:

  • Too young
  • Too old
  • Not from hawaii
  • Never got into punk music (don't argue with me as to what Punk Music  is..)
  • Not from japan
  • Professor Gill
  • All of the above

House Calls

The Doctor paid us a visit yesterday...

All is well, as you were.

Sprint VS. The iPhone

Words fail to describe.

On Taking Picutres

From the Blog On Taking Pictures, by Photographer Bill Wadman:

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

O SPAM! Thine Potted Meat Art Beloved!

From The Tasty Island:

'nuff said

Spring Hath Sprung

That's right, the BYBITS (Big Yellow Ball In The Sky) made a spectacular appearance in the Yamhill  sky yesterday, filling the air with its thermonuclear goodness and the by products i have not seen since Hawaii- Light and Heat.

No Hoodie, no layers of clothes, no gloves, down vest, or thermals. A Miracle say you? Aye, indeed. 

Some of the local residents felt it was warm enough to warrant the shirtless and shorts look...
While my eyes adjust to the blinding display of white flesh, I present this picture of spring:

In this photograph dated 05/05/2008; Enzo expresses his extreme displeasure at the sorry state of the paint job on the window frame, and attempts to will me into fixing it using the powers of his tiny cat mind...

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Skill Sets And Their Transference

News flash! We live in rural Oregon. Here are things I know how to do:

  • Configure Routers and Switches.
  • BGP? Sure.
  • vi
  • I know UNIX, we can talk flavors some time
  • Help run a Data Center
  • Configure and put many boxen into production
  • Frame Relay, it's not just for breakfast anymore!
  • DSL 
  • Network and desktop trouble calls and help desk.
  • Dealing with people that love to use or over use the phrase "Mission Critical"
  • People that know that Internet is not working, but can't tell me how they came to that conclusion.
  • Synergy !
  • Core strategies utilized in fast moving Web 2.0 dynamic.
  • Meetings! 
  • Documentation!

How the flying fuck does any of this help in Yamhill, Oregon?

It doesn't.

Is there a HOWTO or a textfile/faq/wikipedia/cert regarding the following:

  • Gardening, general green thumbery?
  • Dandelions. Proof that aliens have been living amongst us.
  • John Deere. The Man, The Myth, That Shade of Green
  • General Store Protocol: How long has that can of beans been on the shelf?
  • General country home maintenance and upkeep. What? No Ikea?
  • Implements of husbandry
  • Living in the sticks: A guide for sanity
  • Composting for fun and profit
  • Soil and you: A dirty guide
  • Horses can kick you in the face or collapse your sternum. Fun for kids of all ages!
  • Pitchforks: Not just for Satan!
  • Arnold Ziffle is now returning to your nightmares.
  • Korean food. A distant memory...
The spark of ignition for this rant is my careful scientific  observation of my surroundings. Perhaps I need to watch more "Ax Men" on tv? Maybe get red flannel shirts and cut the sleeves? Swear even more  than I do now?  I guess Mother Internets may not be able to provide for me in these trying times..

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The Run For The Roses

Big Brown

God Speed, Eight Belles

All of us at StarDance are deeply saddened by the loss of the magnificent filly Eight Belles.

Our thoughts are with Larry Jones, Fox Hill Farms and her family.

Run Home, Eight Belles. God Speed.

Iolani Palace

How did i miss this:
Via the Honolulu Star Bulletin:

BarCamp Portland

For those of you knee deep in nerdery and geekdom, BarCamp Portland kicks off today.

More info here

Me? I'm shy and my feet hurt.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Office Move: Delivery of The Merchandise Part XXIV

Today the "office' was moved from the upstairs sanctum sanctorium/cloister/situation-room to the lower areas of the forward operational base. In plain English: i closed my laptop, walked downstairs and plopped on the couch in the living room. I then re-opened the laptop, re-establishing communications with the torrent of information that is Mother Internets.

Why the move? Why risk a communications blackout with Mother Internets? In anticipation of this:

The delivery of  907,184,740,000 Micrograms of pure hay. 
Estimated street value, almost 300 bucks.  

That's how we roll, bitches...


More Aloha Air Cargo News

via The Honolulu Star Bulletin:

Ruling resurrects cargo unit

The Missing iPhone Ringtone

Via LifeClever:

The Missing iPhone Ringtone.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Marty Friedman and Kerry King

Two great tastes that taste great together. Yes, Slayer rules.

Brock Yates has a Blog

Brock Yates has a blog here...

Your First Job

From the Midlife Crisis blog on the Honolulu Advertiser:

Your first Job

I did not work at the cannery either. My very first job was working for a seed corn company in Kapolei. An asian with a field agricultural job, how novel and non stereotypical! 

The money from that temporary job was used to fund materials for job number two- for which i was employed for twenty four years. No, i was not  a rodeo clown. It's kind of the same though; with the exception of the bulls, broncos, dirt, clown outfit and cowboy gear. Yep, exactly the same.... save those small differences.

Joel Spolsky and the Microsoft Mesh

Joel Spolsky, of fame, writes about Microsoft Mesh.

Architecture Astronauts, indeed.

The Weber Sportscars "Faster One"

I find cars interesting.

From AutoBlog:

"Like the Millennium Falcon, the Weber Sportcars faster one may not look like much, but it sounds like it might be capable of besting the former's Kessel Run time of under 12 parsecs. Hell, after looking over the manufacturer's stats, we think that the faster one might be able to tear a gaping hole in the space/time continuum. "

Ah. I see, Cand how much does it cost to avoid any "Imperial  Entanglement"?

*what the hell? It's not a stick?: