Friday, May 9, 2008

The Yamhill Puzzle

NIGEL: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is if we need that extra.. push over the know what we do?
MARTY: Put it up to eleven.
NIGEL: Eleven. Exactly. One louder.
MARTY: Why don’t you just make ten louder and make ten be the top... number... and make that a little louder?
NIGEL: These go to eleven.

   -Director Martin DeBergi and Guitarist Nigel Tufnel, "This is Spinal Tap"

Most of  you know that we were previously living in the suburbs of Oahu, aka Mililani. While not exactly like the vast vineyards and pastoral landscapes of Yamhill, it was a little ways from "town". This is was in distance only, mind you. The Mililanian (Mililaniite? Miliputian?)  would have access to modern conveniences readily. There were stores open 24/7, and the two other towns, Wapio/Waikele, and in the other direction, Wahiawa, weren't too far away.

The Post Office in Yamhill closes for lunch. This has absolutely nothing to do with the paragraph above does it ? Well it's Art, i've taken that minute from you, no refunds.

Ok, the U.S. Post Office in Yamhill closes for lunch. WTF? WTH? In my (mumble mumble) years of being alive as a U.S. Citizen, i have never experienced the affront that is the post office closing for lunch, ever. Does the Mililani Post Office Close for lunch? No. Does teeny closet of a post office in Nuuanu close for lunch? No. 

Why then, the closing of a vital part of the United States communications infrastructure? One word:


Maybe this is some work of the vast vintners cabal. Perhaps the Yamhillan Illuminati? What else could possibly explain this? A postman is hungry?

If you believe that, you are beyond saving.

To rescue my new home of Yamhill, i propose this desperate measure to break the iron grip of the Office of the Post, and others joined in this dark oppressive regime.

Lunch establishments should Close for Lunch. Let us unite! Lunch establishments, restaurants, Korean BBQ's, and Taquerias! Let us, as Lunch Providers, close for lunch, and bring an end to this reign of terror once and for all.

Is that a black Helicopter i see over the house? 


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